SisterSisterProject are over the moon by your kind words. And all the beautiful stories shared with us now. Alhumdulilah.

From the number of responses, we would like to show gratitude towards one organisation and one dear brother for their contribution.

Jazakallah khair to brother Shaykh Sajid Umar. He provided a great response and heads up for the eBook. Very sincere and genuine. May Allah bless you in this life and the hereafter for all you do for the ummah. Ameen.

Many thanks also to Islam Channel for reading and inviting us along on the Living the life show to promote the eBook. Both presenters did a very good job highlighting key issues and the importance for positive change. Many Uxbridge sisters watched feeling so happy that their voices have been recognised and heard.

Please bear with us if we are slightly slow in uploading content as we are small group however we have had more sisters willing to volunteer at the centre so one of us will get around to it in sha Allah.

Jazakallah khair for your support.

This is not a psychology lesson. For those of who might not know what is an extrovert or introvert. Research suggests that extroverted people are more open, talkative and care for others displaying their emotions more externally. Introverted people are more reserved, care very deeply perhaps more quietly and process information more internally.
In order for our world to be amazing both types need to co-exist happily. The current statistics suggests that world is predominately extroverted. It’s almost filtered into a lot of the media advertising and articles we are fed on a daily basis. The louder you are the more stronger you are perceived to be. The more bolder ‘out there’ actions the more fun you seem. Otherwise it’s as if you are “dead”. It is false to think this way.
As a child, I was much more introverted. And I loved it. Just me myself and my books in my little bubble dreaming of endless fantasies and fairytales! It was peaceful being in my own space recharging away from the crazy playground. As I went through higher education uni and workplaces, I have been challenged by the outside world to be more extroverted. It’s all about being connected to the real world and a fast changing one at that. You might feel like this wherever you are. As a young Muslimah do I need to be so va va voom to be recognised or will they attach on the “oppressed” label just because I like to remain quiet or silent.

Mmm.. silence. They don’t call it deadly for no reason. A quality which is highly respected by spiritual leaders yet under appreciated by the masses. It is common practice within meditation and notice how when we pray by ourselves. It’s silence- just you and Allah swt. You feel the pure peace of mind. Ever wondered why the prophets would be high up in the mountains seeking solitude from the chaos of the dunya ( worldly life) and it is there they received revelations from Allah swt. We don’t need to be yapping away with each other to figure everything out. Silence is such a beautiful thing but we do not practise it enough in this hectic life.
Have you ever wondered why Allah swt mentioned and warned us about using our tongues? Yes we should be mindful not to back bite, curse but also what is said and how much is said. Prophet Muhammad PBUH declared : “I was sent to you to perfect good character” (Book of Al Adab 273). Prophet Muhammad PBUH being the greatest human to live was sent as a guidance for us so we should analyse and follow how he conducted himself. He was a quiet, calm and soft speaking man who thought very carefully about the words he used which means he was not a chatter box or life of the party loudmouth. Is that not something so fascinating how one of the most influential leaders in history did not have to resort to obnoxious or proud speeches like politicians these days? So are we following in his footsteps..

Sometimes when you find yourself too exposed or overwhelmed by the outside world, try to take a step back; time out to reflect by yourself and find your balance. It is pointless burning yourself out only to discover that you have not grasped anything deep or profound in life. Revert to your introvert being.. we all have it inside of us. Just need to nurture it from time to time. You can rejuvenate your soul, clear your cluttered mind and feel lighter to move forward. If you find yourself already introverted enough, then support your fellow extroverted sister to discover the other side. You both might be pleasantly surprised!

Disclaimer: no hearts will be broken today after reading this chapter. It was a common factor that came up in discussions and we need to tackle this with grace and dignity. If you are in a segregated school, in sha Allah you would have little or no distractions but if you are to step out later on in life in the UK then you probably will come face to face with boys.

This is an extract from a lovely young sister who gives an honest account of what’s is like to have a crush : “We have all been through it, and some of us are going through it now. It is such a stress and can take up a lot of your time. At the beginning you will not see the harm in thinking about him all day long and before you sleep. However soon, thinking about scenarios that are never going to happen will become your new habit and you will never get sick of it. Beware girls! This exact thing happened to me and he began to distract me from not only my schoolwork , but also from my religion. It seemed so harmless but looking back at it, so much energy and time is wasted that you will never get back. I promise you it’s something everyone goes through and it’s not haram to have a crush- absolutely not. Just make sure to control yourself before you ruin yourself!!”

So how does one deal with these temporary crushes that drain our mind and time?
Step One.. acknowledge it for what it is.. fake love. This person may make you feel special which you did not even think was possible in the first place. A sort of high and escaping the reality forever. Before you call me a hater, hear out the reasons. They say “love can make you blind”. Well the Islamic viewpoint is that love can make you “deaf dumb and blind”! That is right. You can be an A grade student or top performer at work but when it comes to those gooey feelings, (I’m sorry to say it) us girlies can get into a right twist. We can’t hear anything bad about him. No negatives. He is faultless. He is perfect. Again not possible as no one is perfect. As if “cupid” has struck you both when it is easily forgotten that the third person lurking around is Shaytan.
You may not have been an idiot. In that case.. Step Two. Halalify it. Given that you are of marriageable age and you believe that you will match with a nice brother then speak directly to your parents. If this is the real deal, neither of you will be afraid and believe in Allah if this brother is decent then him or his family will not mind discussing it further in a peaceful and civilised manner. Allah swt is always watching us all and so there is more baraka (blessing) if family members are aware of the interactions. However, if this boy only wants to speak with you alone in the alleyways, outside the libraries or even the mosque! Sweetie, he is not the one for you. He may even need help!

Step Three.. Have Sabr (patience) and in sha Allah you will meet someone just as lovely as yourselves. Wait for the moment to come and pray sincerely for the best. Naturally as humans we have high hopes that when we find someone it is going to be ‘pure bliss’. Just like we are already in Jannah (Heaven). It’s a nice thought to have and it is possible but only in the confines of marriage. Dunya is full of tests and trials. Allah swt has instructed us that this will occur in all relationships in life. It’s hard work, compromise, care and love. All of which is achievable successfully within marriage. Some of it you might feel before marriage as infatuation but the real men and women are their best in halal love not fake haram love.

Allah swt places the most compassionate love and rahma(mercy) between the married couple. Subhanallah is that not something truly magical.. To be blessed every single day no matter what life challenges are thrown at you both. And to someone who Allah swt already destined for you before you were even born. Wow that’s better than any Romeo and Juliet story! So would you give your heart away so easily now.. I highly doubt it!

Looking at everything, so much time and energy is wasted on boys who might not reciprocate the same feelings as you. They could be just getting ‘gassed’ and just want to ‘play around’. I know, your heart flutters and you just don’t want to hear this and you will think oh but my situation is different… What can seem as a fairytale is in fact a lot of mind games played between boys and girls in the teenage years. This honestly happens to the majority of people so do not worry or feel isolated. It seems that in high school and sixth form years the boys are talking about the girls and the girls are talking about the boys. All the time! Until the conversation revolves around the opposite gender then all morals and one’s true self is lost.

As hard as this may sound , you will regret all the time wasted and sins committed with this non mahram (not halal male guardians) while you were blinded by the ‘we are going to get married ‘illusion. Girls please listen to me, there is more to life than men. You do not need a boy to validate your self-worth or beauty.

If you strive towards Allah swt and better yourself as Muslimah then in sha Allah you will be given what is best for you in this life and the next. Please do not change yourself trying to conform to what a boy may find ‘peng’ or ‘hot stuff’. I promise you are worth so much more than being someone’s ‘girl’ or being a ‘peng ting’. You are so precious, beautiful, smart, wise and most importantly a Queen of Islam. If you just bear sabr (patience) you will in Sha Allah find someone who will love every thing about you- both inside and out.
At the end of the day, Allah swt knows best. Allahuma Alam. Prophet Muhammad PBUH said : “Whoever makes the Hereafter his most important matter, Allah will settle his affairs and make him content in his heart and the world will come to him although he does not want it“ .Please girl don’t follow these temporary distractions that surround you and make sure you place your deen first. Prophet Muhammad PBUH stated that Allah swt said: “Whoever comes to me walking. I will come to him running”. Please don’t lose your amazing self in anyone. Find yourself with Allah swt first.

One of the most asked questioned from the young Muslimahs was how can I be a Muslim with the rise of Islamophobia and people judging us as strange. In sha Allah let’s touch upon this and be open minded ourselves.

As the world moves forward we know as Muslims that our deen will become more strange as time passes. Prophet Muhammad PBUH said : “Islam began as something strange and will revert to being strange as it began, so give glad tidings to the strangers”. [Sahih Muslim 145]. Therefore, comments such as “boring..old fashioned … too strict” may more commonly heard in non Muslim societies and you might be seen as the ‘black sheep’. The deen should not be changed at all so we have got to accept that it will be considered “strange” to those who do not understand or believe it.

So now I want to give you some advice on how to overcome these trials and become stronger in your Islamic character. What are we taught with all tests we do in life? Preparation! You have to know your stuff. This means you must gain Taqwa (God consciousness) through understanding the Quran and why we do certain acts of worship. The more prepared you are, the better you will pass this test. In your life ahead it will become more easier and effective to answer those curious questions. If you are not prepared well and have not educated yourself about the deen then you may struggle. This is not what we want. Our duty should be to provide any dawah possible in the most soft, kind and respectful manner.

As Allah swt says in Surah Baqarah [2:256]: “there is no compulsion in religion” .This means no one should be forceful but we have a duty as the Quran is a message intended for the whole mankind. Allah swt says : “And We have sent you (Muhammad SAW) not but as a mercy for the Alameen ( mankind, jinns and all that exists)” [ Surah Al Anbiya 21:107 ]. So it is a miracle for the whole world to benefit from Allah’s message and read. Therefore, we should not be arrogant nor selfish but display good character when speaking of the glorious Quran.

No doubt, challenges can be met anywhere from school to work. Since I have been working in the city, it has not been all glam and glitz. It is fast and fancy. Maybe a bit much for a suburban like myself. The infamous ‘work hard play hard’ motto. Unsurprisingly the first part Muslim girls can excel; perform well and grateful for the opportunities. Mash’Allah.
The second part is a bit of grey area depending on the workplace environment. You may stand out for wearing the hijab and abaya. You do not go out for those Friday night drinks. You politely decline physical contact with the opposite gender. You pray wherever possible. You are noticed but not sure whether it’s good opinions or bad.. do not worry at any occasion of differences. Certainly do not run away into the caves of the female toilets or stay mute all day. That will make you go insane.

I’ve been fortunate to meet all sorts of curious characters and cheeky sods too. Someone came up to me once at the printer asking me what’s underneath your hijab. LOL highlight of the month! Then another person asked if I support the Saudi Arabia driving ban. I said I don’t know about Saudi Arabia but I love cruising to work in the company car. Do not be alarmed. They gave me some amusing moments and I really enjoyed my colleagues probing me to open up more because how will they ever know how loving and wonderful we are as Muslims if we do not share details about ourselves and the regular lives that we live – just like them !

When you feel like you might be seen as the odd one out, take some time to analyse your classmates or colleagues. Rely on Allah swt by making sincere dua; seeking guidance and protection in your day to day lives. Then go find any common ground between you and the others so that the similarities will help you in building a common vibe. People will see you are just human like them and they might have been obsessing over misinformation from the media or false claims. Take your time, speak politely and be light hearted. We should be the best examples of our faith so do not let the faith down.

Most of us are familiar with the phrase be careful with the company that you keep. Well this is not far from the Muslim view. Prophet Muhammad PBUH said: ” A man will follow the way of his close friends; so let one of you look to whom he takes as a close friend” [Sunan al Tirmidhi 2378]

Food for thought. No need to start ditching your besties. But we should all be mindful about the circle of friends who we associate with the most. The clique. The squad. The BFFs.
It isn’t absolutely necessary that all your friends have to only be Muslim or have XYZ factors. How wonderful is it to meet so many walks of life at school, uni or work nowadays. This is a fantastic opportunity to display the beauty of the deen to non Muslims too. Some of the most kindest and loving pals I’ve ever had in my life have been sisters from another mister. We are all human and don’t forget all Allah’s creatures so treat everyone kindly and gently.

However, this book would not being doing much justice to the current dilemmas encountered growing up in diverse societies which may not be aligned to our faith. I would like to draw upon some raw examples of how having too much choice or alternatives can be all a bit confusing and scary when you are trying your hardest to remain steadfast as a young Muslimah.

Some of you might be saying this is not going to happen to me. I can go out and chill every day but that doesn’t mean I will copy them. I can go out with friends and their boyfriends. I don’t need one. I can go to parties where drinking alcohol is the main ‘ting’. I won’t. I will be sinless and perfect. If this were the case, every Muslim up and down the country would be raving mad and their hearts would feel no regrets. Highly unlikely. How do I know? I used to think the same..

As a teenager, I naturally was quite sociable. I liked to get along with others; keeping good vibes and living my best life. What I did not realise was every crowd I entered into I had adapted slowly like a chameleon to my surroundings. My bittersweet downfall!

Every other year, my image changed. My values changed. I had changed. By the time I got to uni, it had shocked me as to what really was the purpose of my life. All the times before, it was adjusted more or less to the company I had kept.

For a short time it was the “grunger-goth” phase. The fashion was long black clothing (lol ironic considering the abaya I don now). Metal neck chokers. Very dark make up. Morbid beliefs that the world is such a gloomy awful place that there is no point living and you want to die young at like 27 (Alhamdulillah for life always). Obviously this is far beyond the realms of Islam but it sounded so cool and funky.

There was the “plastic fantastic” phase whilst going through puberty. My parents genuinely thought being sent to a girls only secondary would stop any issues and I’m sure it helped with not having distractions and focusing on studies better. But it did not take away the thoughts and fears a young girl going through body and hormonal changes where you think your self worth is placed on which girl group you fit into and your appearance. At that age most of your friends are concerned on image too so you do not even notice it that your friend may actually be just a mean girl (Hint: Mean Girls movie will explain this bit).

During a short time, I actually struggled sometimes to cope. Just wanted to be slim and prim like the others. One day, the Deputy Head had asked me why I had lost so much weight drastically and I was smiling. Weird moment. Someone had noticed me and I was not the chubby girl anymore. I am just like the other girls. It is not a nice memory to have once you are older as you look back on how it really dampened part of your childhood , secluded from enjoying food and placing huge amounts of unrealistic pressures. From skipping meals to crazy calorie counting. I was trapped anxiously in this mind-set but I was smiling because to be thin was to look pretty and be accepted by the other gals. The paradox.

As a typical teen I thought I knew it all too. You become almost “free spirited learning more about worldly matters and broadening your horizons. Very dangerous territory here. Especially when you are trying to balance aspects such as good grades, reputation, religion, background or your own British identity. Some of us may go through these ‘identity crises’ whether it’s as visible or more internal. Constant battle in discovering who you really are and to what extent of each type. It’s very easy to loose the true you when trying to be accepted. For myself, it probably comes as no surprise that I thought I was more “British” and felt more inclined to this culture.

I was nervous to write this part as it’s not of my greatest moments in life but it has to be shared to keep this honest and real. Whilst at secondary school, I remember an unwelcoming atmosphere by my so called mates towards non English speaking pupils joining our class. As ignorant as I was I played along with this charade and I felt like at least I was born and bred in my hometown. My English was like any other white English person. I’m not like this foreign speaking stranger from a land far away. Regrettably, this innocent refugee girl experienced petty classroom bullying including disgusting acts such as flicking fountain pen ink on the back her shirts while she was unaware. No one should be behaving like this especially not a Muslim!

If you find yourself ever doing muppet like antics to make a few “friends” laugh or look “cool” then you have become a cow. Moo.. you followed the wrong herd. As Muslims, we are taught to never be cruel or bring tears to anyone. No good will come of it. I was very remorseful to this sweet sister; she forgave me and became friends (Alhamdulillah) and I even became BeatBullying Ambassador for London! We smile at each other and Allah swt has shown me so much from this lesson. Never follow a crowd if it starts making you a bad individual. Period.

So you are probably waiting for me to just explain how I found the deen and stopped being a loser going from group to group. Well I wanted to highlight how easily it can be to fall into the wrong crowd. So please be aware. Alhamdulillah deen came gradually to me and I could never leave it. Not once have I turned back or tried a new lifestyle. It’s been the best thing in my life. Alhamdulillah. Am I loser now.. nope. I’m a winner every day!

I’m sure you know what goes hand in hand with images. Ta daa..social media. Let’s not start debating whether it’s right or wrong. This is not the “haram police”. But how can one safeguard themselves from getting lost in the virtual world and away from the Evil Eye.

Although I am a Millennial and technology started booming in my teens, I sometimes feel like an old soul when toys were alien babies, yoyos or tamigochis. When the brick phone came out (e.g. Nokia 3210), they were the coolest nuggets of plastic. Friends would huddle around to check out what colour case you had or who’s got the highest score on snake (classic game!). It wasn’t a competition or necessity to be defined by a mobile. Shame now that you can be seen as abnormal or a freak by peers if you do not match up to someone else’s level of digital communication. But are all these devices doing us any real good or making us happier?

I asked the Sunday school girls what were some of the conditions Allah swt commanded us on the hijab or any hadith references about the female Sahabas (female companions of the Prophet PBUH). A few puzzled faces. A few muffled answers. Then I posed the question if anyone knew an online hijabsta or hijabi tutorials. Hands shot up. Bloggers. Instgramers. Youtubers. Hijab has become a “fashion” statement; loosing the true essence and gradually westernising how it should be worn and the feisty attitude to carry with it. It is good that many are displaying the hijab but we need to learn how to wear it correctly according to the Islamic guidelines and present ourselves with haya(inner modesty) not just a bit of contouring and a flower on the side for it to be liked by the public.
With so many social media platforms available, it is common to hear of how consumed we have become with posting the best details of our lives. It makes a lot of us feel good like we accomplished something or it validates that our lives are important. This can sadly become an addiction panicking about how to get every image “perfect” or how many likes will I get for this picture. The stress and anxiety can make a lot of us unwell inside our minds and our hearts. The “friends” might not see it but you will definitely feel it and this is why we need to careful about the content that we share.
A lot of people are getting more addicted to checking their profile obsessively and keeping tabs on others. Unsurprisingly, a secret hobby of “social media stalking” burns countless hours of studying or just enjoying your own life because you are too concerned on what others are doing.
There are so many halal activities which girls are allowed to do but it is human nature to be curious about what we are not allowed to do or have. For a young Muslimah like yourself watching other guys perhaps enjoy travelling as they allowed to without mahram supervision or just non Muslim girls partying it up and look like achieving “carefree lavish life goals”.
It can be really hard watching others have so called “fun” and you can not help but feel a bit jealous and resentful when you sitting at home for the holidays and it is forever chucking it down with rain. You got to really dig deep inside your self and remember that as Muslims this world is like a prison for the believers and heaven for the non believers. Somethings we just will not understand but we have to trust in Allah swt he prohibited certain things for a reason.

I remember going to uni and joining Facebook. Oh yeah that was the “it” place online. Now it’s instagram snapchat or back chat. Whatever it may be. If anything funny happened my friends were posting it and any random day out it was on there and we all were living in this bubble of enjoying life and posting it from the best angle. Some would say living a ‘double life’. We only see one skewed version of that person and it may never be their true self. I could feel over time that I liked uploading albums of travels or events. If something nice or amusing occurred it had to be shared to the whole world. But who to? To hundreds of people who barely knew anything about you. I had just met some of them on campus or in class but does that mean I should have been inviting them with no barriers to such personal moments in my life.
During that time, our delicate egos were increased and self worth elevated the more “friends” gained. However, in life you have those good days and those bad days. Alhamdulillah it was at these points in life which showed me that no one was really there for me except a few close ones. Those hundreds of so called “contacts” amount to nothing when the tough times come so be prepared to be let down if you think you have an army of friends behind you.

The dangerous part of using too much social media is not in the early stages it’s more so when you lose track of who you are becoming. You yourself may become a manufactured product just like the device you tap to upload your life. Robotic life. Nearing the end of uni, I came closer to Allah swt and I made a decision to change my online presence. Instead of those hundreds of “friends”, I opted for a new account and only handful of close companions. These people who have been there for me and vice versa. A confidante. A loyal one. By dropping 90% of my online contacts some people would think I became a hermit or live a very dull boring life. Life just got better and better. Alhamdulillah it gave me a sense of peace within myself that I was sharing something special. The real me.

What is beauty? Is it big lips like Kylie’s? Or a small waist like Kim’s? Yes, this is how ridiculous the world has become with what is acceptable as “beauty”. And who even made up these rules? Allah swt did not define anything specific as beauty in the Quran as this or that so why are we believing what different societies tell us to believe. It is in human nature that we want to feel accepted. There is that classic phrase “it’s not what counts on the outside but what’s in the inside”. Sadly, with the rise of social media, it can all seem a bit like a jungle of savages waiting to critique anything and every little untouched “imperfection”.

Here’s the truth about the current world. No one is perfect. No girl. No boy. No man. No woman. So why all the fuss ?
Nowadays, it’s all about who’s who on the gram, who’s most famous and who’s making the most money. Chase money. Chase fame. Chase looks. You are deemed as “successful”. All this is doing is making us judge each other against a measuring stick. You are not Xft tall. Your hair is not Xcm long or styled this way. Your eyebrows are not symmetrical or your nose is too big. Ah then you don’t fit the criteria.

On top of that if you happen to experience other cultures that may despise certain body structures or praise particular skin complexions, you can be made to feel even more “ugly” when your nearest and dearest impose other standards. Despite not matching up to those online adverts or the instagram models, it can be a kick in the guts when your own loved ones who most probably do mean well want you to be seen as perfect as possible within their own communities.

NewsFlash…. Every single bit of you is beauty. I’m not kidding. Even them dimples, pimples and wrinkles (haha okay way too early for you girls). Take a step outside the box of reality for a moment..Think about what Allah swt commanded the women . Allah swt says : “And tell the believing women to lower their gaze, protect their private parts..not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent..that you may be successful” [Surah-Noor 24:31]

The majority opinion is that all of a woman except her hands and face are considered her awrah (beauty). Notice how He did not state if you got blonde hair or long legs or any other specific characteristic. This is how Allah swt knows he created us all differently but all the different features are beautiful to Him so we should try our best to follow the Quran and Sunnah and this will give us the best benefits in our lives.
Some of you might be too shy to ask this but how will I attract a boy or someone who I can marry if I am always in hijab and covered up ? How will he know that there is more to me than just my plain clothes? This can be a constant fear when exposed to cultures which enforce the motto : if you got it then flaunt it girl!

So we should be saying to ourselves, is someone only willing to marry us based on an image or the real us? Every year, you will notice your body changing, voice developing and facial features maturing (Guys too) . If you are only focused on creating an image to what others might like, it does not really mean much at all in the grand scheme of things . So if you are thinking what’s the harm a few filters; angles or lighting to change the real you then you will never be happy with yourself. We all been there it can become the norm but even I had to embrace my no filtered no make up pictures. You have to love every perfection and so called “imperfection”.
Plus, the good ol’ saying ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’. What you might like in someone may not be the same as your friend. Allah swt places the likes and dislikes within us. There is always someone in the world who will find you gorgeous. Mash’Allah.

In Surah Baqarah [2:195], Allah swt says
” Do what is beautiful. Allah loves those who do what is beautiful” From this verse, there is no mention of look or be beautiful. Allah swt tells us to “do”. This simple yet powerful verb actions us to obey His orders and do what is beautiful to Him. Do good deeds and this is where the true beauty lies in life. As Muslims, we believe if you do good then Allah will beautify your faces with Noor (bright light). Better than any Disney movie sparkle! Trust and believe it. Practise this by committing to good acts with good intentions and you will feel it in your hearts as your souls are enlightened and it will show all over your beautiful faces. You will always be picture perfect! 🙂

Growing up in a small town with limited access to Muslim female groups, I found myself torn and somewhat religiously ‘lost’ between who I am, who I should be and who I should become. During the past year, I took a look at my life choices and it occurred to me that I do have something authentic to share. With the help of a few lovely little girlies from Al Falah Centre in West Drayton, I complied a few chapters on the modern day dilemmas that Muslim girls are facing in an ever changing world. Through these short sessions, we discussed some very interesting modern topics.

Please bear in mind that I am not a scholar or religious figure so always follow the Holy Quran and the Sunnah (teachings from the Prophet Muhammad PBUH). I am just a regular sister hoping to lend a kind word or two to another sister in order to remain steadfast in deen and always stay blessed.
In sha Allah x