Disclaimer: no hearts will be broken today after reading this chapter. It was a common factor that came up in discussions and we need to tackle this with grace and dignity. If you are in a segregated school, in sha Allah you would have little or no distractions but if you are to step out later on in life in the UK then you probably will come face to face with boys.
This is an extract from a lovely young sister who gives an honest account of what’s is like to have a crush : “We have all been through it, and some of us are going through it now. It is such a stress and can take up a lot of your time. At the beginning you will not see the harm in thinking about him all day long and before you sleep. However soon, thinking about scenarios that are never going to happen will become your new habit and you will never get sick of it. Beware girls! This exact thing happened to me and he began to distract me from not only my schoolwork , but also from my religion. It seemed so harmless but looking back at it, so much energy and time is wasted that you will never get back. I promise you it’s something everyone goes through and it’s not haram to have a crush- absolutely not. Just make sure to control yourself before you ruin yourself!!”
So how does one deal with these temporary crushes that drain our mind and time?
Step One.. acknowledge it for what it is.. fake love. This person may make you feel special which you did not even think was possible in the first place. A sort of high and escaping the reality forever. Before you call me a hater, hear out the reasons. They say “love can make you blind”. Well the Islamic viewpoint is that love can make you “deaf dumb and blind”! That is right. You can be an A grade student or top performer at work but when it comes to those gooey feelings, (I’m sorry to say it) us girlies can get into a right twist. We can’t hear anything bad about him. No negatives. He is faultless. He is perfect. Again not possible as no one is perfect. As if “cupid” has struck you both when it is easily forgotten that the third person lurking around is Shaytan.
You may not have been an idiot. In that case.. Step Two. Halalify it. Given that you are of marriageable age and you believe that you will match with a nice brother then speak directly to your parents. If this is the real deal, neither of you will be afraid and believe in Allah if this brother is decent then him or his family will not mind discussing it further in a peaceful and civilised manner. Allah swt is always watching us all and so there is more baraka (blessing) if family members are aware of the interactions. However, if this boy only wants to speak with you alone in the alleyways, outside the libraries or even the mosque! Sweetie, he is not the one for you. He may even need help!
Step Three.. Have Sabr (patience) and in sha Allah you will meet someone just as lovely as yourselves. Wait for the moment to come and pray sincerely for the best. Naturally as humans we have high hopes that when we find someone it is going to be ‘pure bliss’. Just like we are already in Jannah (Heaven). It’s a nice thought to have and it is possible but only in the confines of marriage. Dunya is full of tests and trials. Allah swt has instructed us that this will occur in all relationships in life. It’s hard work, compromise, care and love. All of which is achievable successfully within marriage. Some of it you might feel before marriage as infatuation but the real men and women are their best in halal love not fake haram love.
Allah swt places the most compassionate love and rahma(mercy) between the married couple. Subhanallah is that not something truly magical.. To be blessed every single day no matter what life challenges are thrown at you both. And to someone who Allah swt already destined for you before you were even born. Wow that’s better than any Romeo and Juliet story! So would you give your heart away so easily now.. I highly doubt it!
Looking at everything, so much time and energy is wasted on boys who might not reciprocate the same feelings as you. They could be just getting ‘gassed’ and just want to ‘play around’. I know, your heart flutters and you just don’t want to hear this and you will think oh but my situation is different… What can seem as a fairytale is in fact a lot of mind games played between boys and girls in the teenage years. This honestly happens to the majority of people so do not worry or feel isolated. It seems that in high school and sixth form years the boys are talking about the girls and the girls are talking about the boys. All the time! Until the conversation revolves around the opposite gender then all morals and one’s true self is lost.
As hard as this may sound , you will regret all the time wasted and sins committed with this non mahram (not halal male guardians) while you were blinded by the ‘we are going to get married ‘illusion. Girls please listen to me, there is more to life than men. You do not need a boy to validate your self-worth or beauty.
If you strive towards Allah swt and better yourself as Muslimah then in sha Allah you will be given what is best for you in this life and the next. Please do not change yourself trying to conform to what a boy may find ‘peng’ or ‘hot stuff’. I promise you are worth so much more than being someone’s ‘girl’ or being a ‘peng ting’. You are so precious, beautiful, smart, wise and most importantly a Queen of Islam. If you just bear sabr (patience) you will in Sha Allah find someone who will love every thing about you- both inside and out.
At the end of the day, Allah swt knows best. Allahuma Alam. Prophet Muhammad PBUH said : “Whoever makes the Hereafter his most important matter, Allah will settle his affairs and make him content in his heart and the world will come to him although he does not want it“ .Please girl don’t follow these temporary distractions that surround you and make sure you place your deen first. Prophet Muhammad PBUH stated that Allah swt said: “Whoever comes to me walking. I will come to him running”. Please don’t lose your amazing self in anyone. Find yourself with Allah swt first.
SisterSister 